Author Archives: Yen Leong

Stop Backspacing…

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“How are you feeling today?”

“Did you miss me?”

“What are you thinking?”

“Are you feeling better?”

“Does the shadow still follow you?”

“Do you want to hear my voice?”

“Do you miss me as much as I miss you?”

“Do you see it, because I see it.”

“Are you feeling sad today, you know you can tell me.”

“Did you think of me today?”

“Did I cross your mind?”

“When was the last time you cried?”

“When was the last time you dreamed about me?”

“Have you ever think we would last this long?”

“Do you know I’ve been crying lately when I think of you?”

“I see you through a glass, but I can’t seem to break it. What do I have to do to break it?”

These are some of the words that I have been wanting to ask you, almost everyday. I typed them out just to erase them again. I didn’t want to burden you with questions. Questions that you don’t want to answer. Questions that you have been avoiding. Questions that you are running away from. Questions that you might find stupid. These are the questions that I have for you, but you might not get to read them.

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Because Songs Speak Louder

How is he doing

I wonder

Not much, I see

But a few songs that he shared

Listening intently to them now

Every word of the lyrics

Speaks for him

I’m finally getting a glimpse of what he was thinking

I’m not sure how to feel

Because it’s all about me

After a couple of months of suppressing

I guess he’s finally letting it out

Letting it go

I’ve always felt sorry

And still am

Sorry for walking in and out of your life

Whenever I want to

But I know

It’s better than to stay

Because it would cut deeper

For you and I

I don’t owe you anything.

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I thought I owe you an answer, one that I’ve been frantically searching for.

I’ve been believing that I owe myself one as well.

And then I realize, I have the answer. I had it.

I just didn’t address it because it’s not the answer that you would want to hear.

Not one that you would accept it easily.

And as time passed, guilt grew in me.

I even found an explanation for this mess, for us.

Till now I still want to explain myself.

But for what?

What do I owe you?

I realize I don’t owe you anything.

I don’t owe you an answer.

I don’t owe you an explanation.

The only person I owe anything,

Is myself.

I owe myself the reason to stop blaming myself,

I owe myself the reason to stop feeling guilty,

I owe myself the more reason to let go.

-Yen-

 

I’m Sorry You’re Not The One

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I’m Sorry You’re Not The One

Thought Catalog

I know this is going to be hard for you to understand, but you are not the one for me. If you had told me three years ago that I’d be saying this now I’d have stared at you blankly and told you how impossible that was because when we first started dating my heart would jump at your text, we would talk all night long about our plans for the future together, and I couldn’t get enough of you. Now our conversations exhaust me to the point where I just give up, preferring not to talk in circles all night about things we’ve discussed to death a million times.

It hurts me to do this because I’ve been on your side before, watching helplessly as someone told me that our relationship wouldn’t survive to the next stage. I know right now you don’t believe that this pain will ever…

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I Gave In To The Ghosts In My Head

I finally gave in to the ghosts in my head.

And burned yet another bridge unintentionally.

Its gone now.

Way to go Yen Leong!

People like me deserves to be alone.

A person who rejects happiness and blames the whole world but myself for the decisions I made.

Who gives excuses than facing the truth.

Who is afraid of everything.

A coward who will never be prepared for anything.

How many people should I let down to let reality hit me in the face?

I felt horrible.

I’ve never seen such hurt in a person’s eyes.

What have I done?

But I know it has to be done.

Because he deserves someone better than me.

Let him go.

 

-Yen-

I’m Loosing Control

I’m loosing control
I don’t know who I am anymore
And most importantly where I’m going.

Who am I?
I lost it.
I lost myself.

I looked for others
To be blamed.

I disappoint people around me.

I hurt people around me.

I’ve failed others who believed in me.

I burn bridges around me.

I can’t even give a sincere smile.

I’m loosing my gravity.

I’m flying further and further away.

I can’t see myself in the mirror anymore.

Where is she?

What People Do When They Don’t Really Love You

What People Do When They Don’t Really Love You

Food for thought.

Thought Catalog

I try to lace my work with optimism because a guiding principle in my own life has been that the most tragic things in our lives almost always precede the most incredible. I think that, at any given point, we are faced with the choice of whether to move on with what the universe gives and takes or to hold on and bury ourselves in our own misery. I do not perch on a high horse preaching this, because I have been in those depths, and I know what it’s like. I also know that there are few issues that will destroy you faster than matters of the heart. But what I must tell you is that while teaching myself to climb out of that sadness and attachment-laden-misery, I realized something that is a bit more realistic than optimistic, but so invariably true that it’s worth giving attention to.

When…

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