Walking, Alone.

Walking, Alone.

I miss those days when I just feel like, walking alone.
Back in Sheffield, back in the summer of 2013.
I don’t confine myself in the room,
It somehow felt suffocating.

At times like this, like today,
I just want to be alone.
No reason why.
I don’t feel like talking to anyone,
Not to be seen by anyone,
I don’t want to be found,
I just want to, disappear.

And Sheffield was the perfect place,
Where I could almost, disappear.
I could go under the radar,
Whenever I wanted to,
Whenever I needed to.

The wind would blow into my face,
As I took each step,
In a familiar stranger’s land.
Let the music carried me,
As I drown in my thoughts.

I was dwelling in it,
Drowning in my own loneliness.
I secretly enjoyed it,
Lovin’ it.

My misery was quite, suffocating,
But as odd as it was,
It was somehow,
An escape.
And I vanished.

I would shut everyone out,
Turned off my phone,
Stayed in the school building alone,
With no one in sight.

The air was silent and cold,
I was in my Gap,
And typing away,
Yet doing nothing.
I would spend the entire day alone.

I would take a longer route home,
And picked the quietest road,
With lesser cars,
Lesser people.
I didn’t want anyone to see me.
Not even strangers.

I took every step in the slowest pace.
I could finally hear myself think.

At times,
It would be the wonderful greens,
If not the quiet routes.

I just wanted to go for a run around.
And my feet brought me to,
Norfolk Park.
Very few people was in sight,
To my delight.

It felt like,
I was alone in the world.
No one could ever find me,
In my new hiding place.

I could hear the leaves rustle,
As the wind blew.
I could hear my shoes,
On the stones and twigs.
If there was a song,
Peaceful would be it.

At last,
I found a spot.
I laid there.
The trees looked beautiful,
Swaying and dancing to the wind.
The cold wind gently,
Caress my skin.
The smell of grass.
I wanted to stay here longer,
For a moment, maybe forever?

If only time would stop,
This could be it,
I thought.

-Yen-

Advertisements

Sometimes, I Think I Deserved To Be Alone

I’m clueless,

of what I want.

Where I’m going.

I’m not playing any games,

Not on anyone, not on anything.

I just want to give me a chance,

Give you a chance, give us a chance.

But I’m so rational, too rational.

I analyze,

I microscope things,

I dissect problems,

And my feelings, layer by layer.

I have explanations for how I feel.

I like you,

Then I’m trying to like you even more,

And tried my best to fall for you.

You’re wonderful,

Gentle, patient.

You’re all I could ever want,

You’re it.

But why am I not feeling it.

Effort is what you’re giving,

And I should like what I’m seeing.

Unfortunately, I feel guilty

For not being able to do the same.

I’m feeling upset,

With myself,

In every single way.

We could be perfect,

You’re almost perfect.

But I’m not feeling anything

That I’m supposed to be feeling.

I’m very upset, with myself.

The person in my way is no one,

But me.

I’m my biggest challenge,

My biggest enemy.

It’s happening again.

History is repeating all by itself, again.

And no one should be more afraid of this,

Than myself.

Because,

Sometimes,

I think I deserved to be alone.

-Yen-

Let The Chips Fall As They May

Things get out of control.

Things get out of hand.

But I like to be in control,

So I could be prepared when I see things’s coming.

I hate the unknown.

I’m terribly fear of it.

I hate walking in the dark.

I hate to be blind.

I hate to fall.

It fears me.

But things always get out of control.

And when they do,

What would I do?

I worry.

I’m scared.

It’s like trying to catch water at a waterfall.

Nothing will change anything.

If it wants to get out of hand, it would.

If it wants to get out of control, it would.

They say,

I should embrace it.

I should dance in the dark.

 

-Yen-

Take your sweet time, but for how long?

She went, He came, They met

She smiled and, He smiled too

She asked, “Excuse me, do you remember……?”

He answered, “Yea…..err not really, sorry.”

Both laughed.

Then, he remembered and she slowly did too.

It was a long time ago, younger days.

Now he got taller, she got even taller but they didn’t change much.

Same hair for her, same walk for him.

She said bye, he said wait.

Not long after, were the random how-was-your-days.

Then the goodnights.

Then here comes the wanna-meet-up?

And of course there goes the i’ll-see-you-again.

It went on like a cycle, that looks good isn’t it?

And then she has the freak-outs.

Not again, she thought.

She needed to breathe.

Then it would all be okay, for now.

He’s sweet, he’s nice, he’s wonderful, she knows.

But is he patient, she wonders.

She’s not the usual one, she’s fickle minded.

Some say she’s not responsive, it could be true.

Some say she’s too defensive, it might be true.

Some say she’s too protective of herself, is she?

I’m just taking my own sweet time, she thought.

Sometimes she would like it, and wants magic to happen.

At times, she would find it too close, too fast.

She would have the cold feet and runaway.

Then she would come back, unafraid and face her fear.

Wait, fear? What fear?

She doesn’t know, what fear, why is there fear?

It’s something new, for her.

She doesn’t know how to embrace it.

It’s like touching the beautiful calm water on the surface yet not knowing what’s underneath.

Wait, isn’t this what she has been waiting for?

She was.

So what is it then.

“You said you would close your eyes and fall, this time.”

 

-Yen-

Say something I’m giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

It’s Okay

People come,
People go
Things happened for a reason
But you wish to know what reason would that be.

It’s the thought that counts, they say
Oh don’t be a fool, I’d say
Stop treating me like I’m part of them
I know I’m not anymore

There is indeed a one way street for everything
In this case, it’s the friendship
I thought I could hold on to it
I thought I would
But I’m slowly slipping away
Why won’t you see it?
Because it doesn’t matter anymore

Now I’m just holding on
And looking by the sidelines.

Let this go, it’s okay.
Let me go, it’s okay.

-Yen-

‘Freedom’

– Freedom –

I’m holding on too long
Realized it’s all been a lie (I want to know)
Have you been awake
and falling asleep at the same time (I need to let it go)

I’m running in circles
There is no where to hide
Can somebody tell me what is wrong or right
Sinking slowly now
Just waiting to be found
Save me..

-Yen –